You tried to kill yourself four weeks ago. I feel insane.You rely on caffeine and cigarettes while I relied on my own self balance. We were Standing outside of a coffee shop, sharing a cigarette and talking about weed. Maybe that's exactly where we were meant to be. I told you I never intended to be alive past 16. You said if you could be gone right now, you would be, no offense to me.

11 days after the coffee shop you are now in a hospital... Again. When I was told, it felt like every rib inside of my body collapsed and went straight through my lungs. It was harder to breathe than any other day I've lived through., what went wrong?! Was is the lack of nicotine and your developing gum disease? the burning end of the cigarette stop burning when it got to the filter. Lose your filter. Lose the people the make you burn out. Lose your girlfriend. Lose your love. Lose everything. Loss anything. Never let yourself burn out. You are not a cigarette. You a god damn human. You are an amazing human. Come back. You understand the world and you get that it's okay to be sad. No matter how hard you try you will always be the sane one. You will always be the one who understands the difference between sadness and bitchiness. You are not a cigarette. You are more than this, so start acting like it.

October/November 2014